Tears For Fears

My hubby is an avid 70's, 80's & early 90's music fan so today's blog title is a shout out to him. :)

So, the other night I was putting the older three kids to bed.  I had been pretty relaxed and let them stay up later than usual, so I was wanting bedtime to happen quickly.  


I had just tucked the girls in, and went into the kid's bathroom to check if they had left it in good shape.  Recently, I spoke with them about rinsing their toothbrushes when they were done, wiping down the sink of excess toothpaste, and just in general trying to not leave a big mess.  Everything looked great except for one cup, full of soap & water.  A potion.  :)  My kids enjoy mixing together anything they can get their hands on and someone had made a potion and forgot to dump it.  


No big deal.  I dumped it down the sink, only to realize after that they had also put toilet paper in it as well. Now the soggy toilet paper was clogging up the sink.  I cleaned up the mess and walked into Kier's room and asked if he had made the potion.  


"Ummm...potion??  Where?" he stammered.  "Kier, in the kids' bathroom.  Obviously you made it.  Please just tell me the truth."


"Ok.  I made it." he says.  "Well, please don't put toilet paper in it next time.  It's clogged up the sink, because I didn't know it was in there.  Ok?"


"Ummm...I didn't put any toilet paper in it, Mom.  One of the girls probably did."  So, off I go next door to the girls' room.  "Guys, which one of you put the toilet paper in the potion in the bathroom?"


Cait, ever so innocently:  "Not me, Mama."  Rory, very insistent: "I didn't either Mom.  I didn't do it!"


Hmmmmm....who do you think put the toilet paper in the potion?


Well, after many back and forth's between their room, I still didn't have an answer.  Now, someone was lying.  I told them that I didn't really care about the toilet paper.  At this point, I just wanted the truth.  I told them I was going to ask one more time, and if no one told me the truth, then all their blankies would be taken away.


No one fessed up.


So, amidst tears and sad eyes, I took all their blankies and headed downstairs.  I told them whenever someone wanted to tell the truth, to come down and talk to me.  


Ugh.  One of those 'this is so not fun' parenting moments.  

A couple minutes later,  my boy appears beside the couch.  Lip quivering, I can tell he's struggling with what to say.  Finally, he starts, "Mom.  I made the potion.  But...I didn't put the toilet paper in it.  But, Mom please just punish me.  I've told the girl's that I would take the blame.  Please Mom.  They are in their beds, crying so much.  I can't take hearing them so sad.  So, please Mom, just punish me.  Keep my blankie.  You can even take my pillow."


Guess who started crying then?  Yep.  Me.


In the end, Rory fessed up shortly after.  We were huddled in a heap, everyone crying, when Daddy walked in from his meeting.  Needless to say, we all learned lessons that night.


"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about." 

Living Unbalanced

For years, I've said that we were trying to live a balanced life just like Jesus did.  Not resting solely on grace.  Not living simply out of truth.  But a balanced blend of the two.  Not forsaking one for the other. 


John 1: 14:  "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."


And I still believe we are called to live out this balance.


However, over the past few years, I've realized that I've taken this principle of being balanced and tried to apply it to all areas of my life.  And failed.


Or at least that's how I ended up feeling.


For example, in a 24 hour span, I may have spent a bit of time of intentional one on one time with each of my kids, made 3 healthy meals, tidied up the house at the end of the day, and maybe even read my Bible!  Yay for me!


But, I would lay in bed feeling discouraged.  Ok, so I got some major areas covered today (time with my kids, balanced meals, a house that doesn't look like a tornado ran through it, and I even had intentional time with God), but I was still left looking at so many areas that I hadn't touched at all!


Time with my husband.  Time with friends.  Time with women from church.  Time for myself, relaxing.  Time for myself, challenging myself (exercising, starting a new project, etc.).  And the list goes on.


So, I'd wake up the next day, determined to focus on some of the areas that I'd not even touched the day before.  And I would!  I would plan a date with my hubby.  I would do my 30 minute workout.  I would shower and actually do my hair and makeup!  I would call a friend.  I would set a date to get together with a lady from church.  


And that night, I would lay in bed, again feeling discouraged.  I had hardly even acknowledged my kids today.  Dinner was a quickly thrown together tuna casserole.  My house was upside down already (how does that happen so quickly?!?!).  


And the cycle began again.


Finally, I started to question this cycle.  Jesus wants me to live with contentment and peace, and I was busy doing things and being intentional and trying to be balanced, and ended each day being discouraged with all that I hadn't done.  So, things weren't adding up.  Why?  I was trying to live a balanced life, just like He had.  What was I doing wrong? 


Then, I had a breakthrough.  It wasn't trying to be balanced that was the problem.  It was that I was so focused on balancing everything at once, while keeping a perfect balance within each thing.


I'd created a checklist.  Spend time with my kids.  Check.  Ok, now I must balance it and spend time with my hubby.  Check.  Spend time by myself.  Check.  Ok, now I must balance it and spend time with ladies from the church.


Now, don't get me wrong.  I believe we have to be intentional in most areas of our life. 


But I was more focused on being intentional, than I was on truly seeking what God would have for me today.  In this moment.  And trust Him.  Not my checklist.


There are natural ebbs and flows in our lives.  Rhythms.  And I believe that Jesus lived in these rhythms as well.  If you look at His life on earth, recorded in John, there are rhythms that are represented in his day to day life.   When getting ready for our recent Ladies Discussion night, I found a blog from a lady named Christine Sine.  In her post, she had identified 4 basic rhythms in Jesus' life – the balance between spiritual and secular, work and rest, community and solitude and fasting and feasting.


Reading this was an 'Aha!' moment for me!  In order to live a balanced life, we will be unbalanced!!  Especially when measuring our lives on a daily basis.  If I feel that today, God is asking me to spend intentional time with someone who just needs company and encouragement, I simply may not have time to myself that day (community and solitude).  And that's ok!  There's no need to lay in bed at night, berating myself for what I haven't done.  There will be time for solitude.  It just wasn't today.  


Reminds me of something....Ecc.3:1-8:


"For everything there is a season,
      a time for every activity under heaven.
 ² A time to be born and a time to die.
      A time to plant and a time to harvest.
 ³ A time to kill and a time to heal.
      A time to tear down and a time to build up.
 ⁴ A time to cry and a time to laugh.
      A time to grieve and a time to dance.
 ⁵ A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
      A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
 ⁶ A time to search and a time to quit searching.
      A time to keep and a time to throw away.
 ⁷ A time to tear and a time to mend.
      A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
 ⁸ A time to love and a time to hate.
      A time for war and a time for peace."


To everything there are seasons...rhythms to be embraced and be imbalanced within.  


My life should not amount to a list of checkmarks.  


But rather, a wonderful, colorful essay...with many paragraphs and chapters.