I love being a mom. I love being the mom of a newborn. I love the 'baby' stage. I love how little, and innocent, and perfect they are when they're just a few days, weeks old. I love when they finally focus on your face for the first time....and then go cross-eyed. I love how my baby feels lying on my chest.
These things I love.
However...I also love my sleep. And, I am not getting it...or, very much of it.
Cait has a cold and has a hard time breathing, which makes it difficult to sleep. Which means it's difficult for me to sleep. It also makes her a little more cranky and wanting to feed every two hours...which means I'm a little more cranky and getting a little sore from the constant feedings.
I feel guilty alot. i feel guilty that my older two kids have barely seen me in the past week. i've either been trying to nap, or feeding, burping, changing, walking, bathing or rocking their baby sister or throw something together for whatever meal happens to need to be fed. i feel guilty that my new baby has a cold...did i take her out too much? was she not covered with a blanket and that's why she's sick? did i make her sick? i feel guilty that my husband and i are both in 'survival mode', which means we're both doing all we can to keep things going, and haven't had hardly any time to just hang out with each other.
but, would i change where our family is now? no way. and, i'm not even wishing us past this stage...
...i'm just tired. and thought I would share that. i'm also so full of love for my family that it makes me cry.
and those are some random thoughts from the mom of a 4 week old, a 2 1/2 year old, and 5 year old.
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4 comments:
Ok, I am....You go girl! You are truly my hero. Really, you are. I feel guilt at the "Mommy of one stage." You are a fabulous Mommy, and everyone knows it, my friend. Good Heavens - your baby is barely a month old. Cut yourself large amounts of slack and then tell me the same thing in about six months, ok? I love you! I'd love to chat soon......feel absolutely NO pressure. Just know that I love you and I think of you often. Hang in there my friend! I remember your advice for when baby two came along. You said to give myself about three months before I found a good rhythm. So, for baby three - you're allowed at least six months, eh? :0) I love you TONS!!! You're awesome!
Awww..., Ang...wish I could be there to TRY to help you out a bit...I'm sure all your feelings are very normal ( I wouldn't completely know, mind you, but...), anyways...I had talked to Amy lastnight and she was asking how you were doing/feeling...if you were overwhelmed...I was like "she seems to be fine"...ha!!...guess like all of us, feelings and moods can change with the drop of a hat. Anyways...I know you're doing a great job - and you love your family...I'm sure you're doing awesome!!! I hope you can get some rest today...and that dear little Cait will be feeling better soon and finding her groove as well!!! Listen, I love ya - and, anytime you need to vent, just call okay?! Perhaps you want some time with your hubby, too, so...I'll put the ball in your court right now -- you call me whenever, okay?! I love ya -- and am thinking of you today...take care, my friend.
oh, you girls are great...reading your comments made me feel like we were back at nbbi and i was camped out in one of your rooms, feeling down about something and you both would just sit there and listen and love me...makes me really miss having you both just a couple doors away...heck, i'd even settle for just a couple hours away! but thanks for being the sweet,caring friends you've always been...the past couple of days have been better and i'm off to take a quick shower, and i love showers so,can't wait! love you both!
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